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How to Be an Adult in Relationships

The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
Paperback Book
November, 2021
$22.95 CAD
Banyen's Description: 

This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this 2021 edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships.

Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include:

  • Becoming conscious of our relationship patterns and how they relate to childhood
  • Recognizing and attracting someone who can show adult love
  • Understanding the phases relationships go through
  • Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries
  • Overcoming fears of abandonment and engulfment
  • Expressing anger and other emotions in adult and loving ways
  • Surviving break-ups with our self-esteem intact
  • Understanding love as a spiritual journey

This book explores the tender and scary territories of our psyche and blazes a path through them…

Enlightenment can only be embodied in the world by people who love one another. So relationships are not about how two people can survive each other but about how the whole world becomes more capable of love.

Each chapter includes a series of exercises readers can use to begin exploring mindful loving in their own lives. These involve journaling, meditation or contemplation, or interaction and dialogue with a partner.

David Richo is a psychotherapist and workshop leader and author of numerous books, including Triggers and The Five Things We Cannot Change.

Publisher’s Description: 

"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationshipsone that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.

When deeply understood and applied, these five simple conceptswhat Richo calls the five A'sform the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.

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