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How to Expand Love

Widening the Circle of Loving Relationships
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Paperback Book
Simon & Schuster
August, 2006
$22.00 CAD
Banyen's Description: 

In How to Expand Love, the Dalai Lama presents us with a practical seven-step vehicle. At the heart of the process is a series of emotionally based exercises that restructure relationships to others in a more even-minded, strongly committed, loving framework. The gist is to gradually undermine counter-productive overemphasis on oneself and transform it into healthy concern for others—replacing self-cherishing with other-cherishing. Included are a multitude of techniques, the very multiplicity of which adds spice to their implementation. With just one technique, the process might lose its edge, and thus a wide variety of practices serves both to enhance actual experience and to open up areas that otherwise might remain hidden.

The book is based on seven key stages of development:

ª  Stage 1: here we deal with our own natural tendencies to put others into categories (such as friends, neutral people, and enemies), pointing out the self-defeating effect of that rigid classification.

ª   Stage 2: utilizing the theories of the first stage, we move to create a positive attitude toward others, in ever-widening circles. To use one’s best friend as a model for how to value other, not-so-close friends, and gradually move on to include neutral people, and finally enemies.

ª  Stage 3: a set of practical reflections on the kindness that close friends have shown, particularly in childhood when we are so dependent on the attention and care of others.

ª  Stage 4: reciprocating the kindness of others by developing a heroic intention to further their own long-term interests.

ª  Stage 5: after perfecting the 4th stage, teaching us to learn how to love, based on acknowledging how people suffer.

ª  Stage 6: the cultivation of compassion, a deep desire to see others relieved from suffering. This is the other side of love, which is the heartfelt feeling that others gain happiness.

ª  Stage 7: turning the experience of unbiased love and compassion toward the goal of developing enlightenment so that we can become more effective in helping and serving a wide variety of beings.

Among the Dalai Lama’s other books: Mind of Clear Light and How to Practice.

Publisher’s Description: 

Love and compassion are beneficial both for you and for others.

Through your kindness toward others, your mind and heart will open to peace.

Expanding peace to the larger community around you will bring unity, harmony, and cooperation.

Expanding peace further still to nations and then to the world will bring mutual trust, mutual respect, sincere communication, and finally successful joint efforts to solve the world's problems.

All this is possible once you learn


With this illuminating and instructive handbook, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, offers sensible, everyday guidelines for transforming self-centered energy into outwardly directed compassion. Drawing on exercises and techniques established in Tibetan monasteries more than a thousand years ago, the Dalai Lama describes a seven-step, self-directed program to help us open our hearts and minds to the experience of unlimited love, transforming every relationship in our lives -- and guiding us ever closer to wisdom and enlightenment. His Holiness offers a simple yet illuminating program for transforming self-centered energy into outwardly-directed compassion. Drawing on exercises and techniques established in Tibetan monasteries over a thousand years "ago," the Dalai Lama guides us through seven key stages. First we learn to move beyond our tendency to put others into rigid categories. By reflecting on the kindnesses that close friends have shown "us," we learn to reciprocate. And in seeking the well-being of "others," we foster "compassion," the all-encompassing face of love. Now in paper.

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