In this book, seasoned therapist David Richo (he also wrote How to be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change) explores how we replay the past in our present-day relationships—and how we can free ourselves from this destructive pattern. We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances. This can become a major stumbling block in relationships, preventing us from seeing others as they really are. Richo offers insights and practical guidance that can help us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to heal it.

When the Past Is Present helps readers to:

ª  Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a gift

ª  Recognize strong attractions and aversions to people in the present as signals that we may be reliving the past

ª  Heal emotional wounds of the past so that they won’t sabotage present-day relationships

ª  Use mindfulness to become aware of how we slip into the past in day-to-day life—and to bring us back to the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy.

Some of the chapter heads are:

ª  What Transference Does and Why

ª  Releasing Ourselves from our Myths

ª  Our Compulsion to Repeat

ª  Our Yearning for both Comfort and Challenge

ª  Why I Love You But Don’t Really See You

ª  Letting Conflicts Help Us

ª  How Spiritual Practice Renews Us

Love is giving and receiving the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. We say and believe we want to be loved, but it takes courage and skill to be loved by someone. It takes openness to receiving, and that can be scary if we have to be in control of all that happens.

Richo provides a wealth of useful and ingenious practices (both solo and with another) that bring alive the felt realities of “healing the emotional wounds that sabotage our relationships.”